Back to Basics: Three Tips to Dating in The 21st Century
You’re a modern woman using technology in most, if not all, aspects of your life. In the business environment you use email, text, video conferencing and software applications to create your documents, presentations and spreadsheets. In fact, if you’re not somewhat adept or familiar with these tools, it’s difficult to be successful in your job. With friends and family, you use some of these same tools and other social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, perhaps.
In dating, at a minimum, email and text are at the forefront of communication – especially, if you’ve embraced on line dating. These same tools have changed the way a man pursues his romantic interest. It has also blurred the lines in who pursues whom, as well as, made how we communicate with each other less risky. Calling on the telephone to ask a woman on a date seems to be a ritual of a bygone era. There is risk, though, in matters of the heart and some men have become lazy and less chivalrous in dating or courting. The reason? The woman gives him permission to do so. Setting yourself up as an exceptionally high value woman is the key to being in your feminine grace in dating and relationships.
Let’s face it: you’re a high-powered successful woman who doesn’t have time to jump into the girly-girl bucket to date a powerful man. What does being “feminine” mean in the 21st century anyway? We can own our alpha; we all have it, but we can learn how to tap into our femininity. We teach people how to treat us. With these three tips on how to navigate the dating landscape in the 21st century you can shift how a romantic interest perceives you.
Email – particularly for those who are meeting on line, as well as, in other social situations, limit your email exchange to two to three emails so that you don’t end up engaging in an email marathon. The goal is to get to the phone call so that he will ask you on a date. As with text, accepting a date over email gives him the impression that he doesn’t have to work that hard to date you. Gently re-direct him with “It’s been fun exchanging notes, I’m sure if you were to ask me for my phone number, I’d give it to you.” He then has to ask you for your phone number. If you’re offering your phone number before he asks for it, you’re initiating and not in your feminine grace. He’s wired to hunt and as a woman you’re designed to receive.
Text – should be used for informational purposes, i.e., running five minutes late or need the address. Used in lieu of having a voice-to-voice conversation defeats the purpose of connecting ‘live and in color’ as they say. Let him know up front that you prefer not to text and that you look forward to hearing his voice. A response that works without fail when I have received a text asking me on a date instead of a phone call, “Happy to take your call if you’d like to ask me out (emoticon smiley face).” Without lecturing or scolding, I am gently re-directing with my reply.
Resist the urge to pursue – you want to let him know you’re interested, so, what’s the harm in sending him a text after your date thanking him for dinner and/or a great evening? Expressing appreciation for these things should have occurred face to face as the evening ended. By graciously receiving his gifts of planning the date, choosing the restaurant, paying for the meal, as examples, you are actually giving to a man. The alpha male will be turned off by the woman who calls or texts him after a date to thank him again. Initiating is in his DNA and the woman who initiates is taking away his motivation to pursue.
Even in the 21st century your powerful feminine self sets boundaries from the onset. The right man will step up to the plate and bring his A-game. By conveying how you wish to be treated you are setting yourself up as the exceptionally high value woman that you are.
Are you willing to experiment with these tips? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.
This article originally appeared in PRiME Women.