What You Can Learn From Steve Jobs About Which Online Dating Sites To Use
I’m often asked by my clients which online dating sites are the best ones.
There a lot of choices plus now there are dating apps.
Considering the evolution of technology in recent years it can be overwhelming.
You ask, “Which one has the quality men who are age appropriate living in my city? Which one will I get the most responses?”
I liken it to asking, “At what gym do you lose the most weight? Is it Equinox, 24 Hour Fitness or Gold’s Gym?”
Some gyms do have better equipment and some gyms have slightly different clientele. But, you know and, I know that if you put in your effort any gym is going to work for you.
There are slight variations in dating sites. You can put up a free profile anywhere and take a look around for yourself. You can see which population you like best. But, at the end of day, it’s never about the medium, it’s about who’s using the medium. And, that riles our sensibilities.
No one yells at Gold’s Gym for being overweight. “This gym doesn’t work!” But, we all like to blame the dating sites for our own frustrations. “It’s the dating site’s fault! ourtime.com is awful! POF is useless!” They’re boxes filled with people. They don’t do anything.
It’s really about how are you going to use it? That’s the problem with online dating: everyone’s disposable. Instant gratification. If anything, my method is helping people learn how to slow down and screen people to avoid going on bad blind dates with strangers.
I know apps are easy, they’re passive and they take no effort. But, that’s actually the problem with them and it’s hard to wean people off. No one wants to hear, “Put a little more time; put a little more work into it.” But, it’s necessary work.
Would you rather go on four bad blind dates for coffee with total strangers that you meet through Tinder or one good pre-screened Saturday night date with a guy you kind of like?
How do you make online dating feel more like real life dating? This is what I’ve outlined in my online dating coaching program. How do you capture the magic of meeting in real life, but, use this medium for it?
It goes back to at which gym are you going to lose the most weight? The real answer is the gym you end up going to. If you don’t go to a gym; then you’re not going to lose weight.
Signing up for a gym doesn’t guarantee that it happens either. Just because you pay $40 a month doesn’t make it happen.
Signing up for a dating site and waiting for Mr. Right to descend - that’s what people do.
You put up a profile. But, the profile is no good. You don’t log in regularly. The photos are not great nor is the ability to understand the opposite sex. You don’t do an active search. You don’t write good emails. You don’t slow men down. There’s no warmth; no flirtation. It becomes transactional grunt work where dating is suppose to be fun.
Men are equally to blame. But, you can’t control men. All you can control is how you present yourself to the world and the paces you put a man through before he meets you. It’s important to make a man do a little bit of work to screen him prior to meeting him. If you don’t screen a man - you can’t complain he’s a jerk.
Think of it this way: Steve Jobs never sat in his office with an open door where just anyone could come in for an interview - as long as he was wearing a Brooks Brothers suit. It’s not how it works.
There’s a qualifying process and you need to learn to pre-qualify your dates. In this way, you’ll go on fewer and better dates.
How have you honed your skill in using online dating sites? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.