How To Get Your Flirt On Like Julia Roberts
In your world as a smart, successful professional woman chances are if you want anything - you have to make it happen, right?
I get it.
If you want your bathroom re-modeled to showcase the latest interior design trend it falls on you to get it done.
You have to do the research, interview the contractors, pick the tile and the fixtures down to just the right shade of eggshell white.
There’s no one else to make these things happen but you.
My client, Amanda, 49, an accomplished entrepreneur, has used these same ‘let’s get it done’ traits to make her business the success that it is today. I admire her tenacity.
She couldn’t understand why these same traits that had made her successful in business weren’t working for her when she set her sights on a man.
Amanda was frustrated because she thought that if she wanted anything in life - including a man - she had to make it happen.
By this I mean, she was the one approaching men and initiating the conversation to let the men know that she was interested. This was Amanda’s definition of flirting.
Not only is Amanda confident, she’s a head turner. It was baffling then that these men weren’t responding to her in the way she thought they would.
When she told me about her dilemma I asked her if she is the woman or the man.
You can imagine the stammer in Amanda’s voice when she responded, “What do you mean? I’m the woman, of course. I’m A woman.”
I pointed out to Amanda that by approaching the men she found attractive and initiating conversation, she was behaving as the man would.
Since fourth grade men have been taught that they are the ones to walk over to the girl and engage her - whether it’s pulling her ponytail or something like that. They’re the ones to ask her out, plan the date, pay for the date and call after the date.
What’s the woman’s role?
She says yes to talking to him when he approaches her, when he asks her out for dinner, when he asks to walk her to the door and when he asks for a second date.
But, before any of that happens, Amanda wanted to know how to let the guy in the coffee shop or grocery store know that she’s interested. She asked, “If I’m suppose to sit back and do nothing what do I do?” Well, it's not really nothing I told her.
I told her that she could get his attention by getting within eyeshot of him, making eye contact and holding it for seven seconds, smile, flip her hair back, look away.
This is his opening then to approach her. If he approaches then Amanda is in control. If he doesn’t, then he’s not interested.
Your job is to put yourself in a position to be approached.
His job is to approach you.
In this way, the lines don’t get blurred around who is playing what role in the art of flirting.
How comfortable are you in being approached? What has worked for you? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.