How to Know If Your New Love Connection Has Staying Power
Recently, a client said that she didn’t know if the man she was dating would fit in with her dinner club. I sensed she was considering this as a reason to stop dating him.
Since we’d worked on a values exercise as part of our coaching, I asked what value that was of hers on which he was stepping. Upon reflection, she realized it wasn’t a value.
When you focus on non values based criteria you will spend more time with the wrong person and less time with the right person.
Have you ever felt like you wasted precious time dating the wrong person?
Second guessing yourself as to whether you should give him more time to see if there’s a lasting romantic connection can be difficult. Most women struggle with this issue.
More often than not, it’s because you don’t know the essential qualities that you want and need in a partner. To be clear, I’m not referring to characteristics such as he needs to be taller than me, have a Harvard degree and earn $250k+.
To attract more of the right type of man for you, you must first know your core needs and values. These are needs on which you cannot compromise. If you know what your core needs and values are, you will quickly know when someone has a non-negotiable for you.
Hence, the reason the values exercise built into my Attract and Keep Your Man coaching program is so far-reaching. For example, if education is an essential value for you and the man you are dating doesn’t hold this same value, it is a non-negotiable for you.
How can you determine if the man in whom you’re interested has the core values you’re seeking?
The key is to start sharing nuggets about yourself from the beginning whether it’s on the first phone call or first date. You can find out about someone without interrogating him.
For example, continuing with the education value, if this translates to life long learning for you, you can say, “Education is really important to me in my life. Can I tell you what I love learning about?” Share with him what you love learning about and then ask him, “How about you? What’s important to you?” With this approach he’ll begin to open up and start sharing with you. You’ll start understanding about him and he’ll begin to understand more about you. You may discover that education for him means higher education and being around people with university degrees which is different than life long learning for you.
Getting crystal clear about what your values are and mean to you in your life is critical to being able to identify the right man for you quicker.
Every date is an opportunity to get to know him and for him to know you. In this way you’ll spend less time with the wrong person and more time with the right person.
Have you spent time too much time with the wrong person and not enough time with the right person? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.