Why He Disappeared

When I was in my 20s if the guy I was dating suddenly disappeared I had to have closure. Just like that - he stopped calling. Everything seemed to be going along fine.

We were enjoying each other’s company. I was attracted to him. I made myself available when he called to ask me out. I was doing all the right things in dating or, so I thought.

I would drive my sisters and girlfriends crazy wanting to talk about why he vanished. I wanted to analyze the last date I had with him to the nth degree to get insight into why he may have faded out of the picture.

I never did.

Today I’m more mature and experienced in dating and relationships. I have a deeper understanding of men and a higher degree of self awareness.

Having studied countless communication gurus, attended their workshops and interviewed panels of men, I’ve learned how men communicate and how they choose women with whom to be in relationships of the heart.

I no longer need that closure like I did back then. It’s because I know why a man disappears.

Here are five reasons why he disappeared:

1. He’s not interested. It’s tough to hear, but, the famous phrase “He’s just not that into you” is true.

It’s not personal because you’re fabulous just as you are. It’s simply not a match with him.

2. Men are more hung up on feelings than on looks. He doesn't FEEL good around you. Conversely, he stays because he does FEEL good around you.

It has nothing to do with your beauty, pedigree or accomplishments.

3. He found someone better suited for him. Do women ever change their minds? Yes, I think they do.

4. He got tired of auditioning for the boyfriend you want. In short, he’s been wearing a mask.

5. He’s in transition either with work, family, a health issue or a past relationship.

Women have trouble accepting ambiguity about why a man disappeared. I know it’s disappointing because you thought you had a connection.

Does it really matter why he disappeared? What will you do with the information if you ever learn the reason? Will it bring him back?

What you can do is look at your own behavior, learn what you can control and let go what you can’t control. My hope is that you choose to move forward because there will always be another suitor vying for your attention.

Have you ever racked your brain wondering why he could have possibly gone missing in action? How did you handle it? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.

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Nicole DiRocco, ACC

Relationship Coach

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