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How To Get Your Flirt On Like Marilyn Monroe

In your world as a smart, successful professional woman, chances are if you want anything - you have to make it happen, right?


I get it.

If you want your bathroom re-modeled to showcase the latest interior design trend, it falls on you to get it done.

You have to do the research, interview the contractors, pick the tile and the fixtures down to just the right shade of eggshell white.

No one else makes these things happen except you.

My client, Amanda, 49, an accomplished entrepreneur, has used these same ‘let’s get it done’ traits to make her business the success that it is today. I admire her tenacity.

She could not understand why these same traits that made her successful in business did not work for her when she set her sights on a man.

Amanda was frustrated because she thought that if she wanted anything in life - including a man - she had to make it happen.

In other words, she was the one approaching men and initiating the conversation to let the men know that she was interested. This was Amanda’s definition of flirting.

Not only is Amanda confident, she is a head-turner. It was baffling then that these men were not responding to her in the way she thought they would.

When she told me about her dilemma, I asked her if she is the woman or the man.

You can imagine the stammer in Amanda’s voice when she responded, “What do you mean? I’m the woman, of course. I’m A Woman.”

I pointed out to Amanda that by approaching the men she found attractive and initiating conversation, she was behaving as the man would.

Since fourth-grade men have been taught that they are the ones to walk over to the girl and engage her. Whether he pulls her ponytail or something like that. Men are the ones to ask her out, plan the date, pay for the date, and call after the date.

What is the woman’s role?

She says yes to talking to him when he approaches her, when he asks her out for dinner, when he asks to walk her to the door and when he asks for a second date.

But, before any of that happens, Amanda wanted to know how to let the guy in the coffee shop or grocery store know that she is interested.

She asked, “If I am supposed to sit back and do nothing, what do I do?” Well, it's really nothing I told her.

I told her that she could get his attention by moving within eye shot of him; making eye contact; and holding it for seven seconds. Smiling with her head tilted toward the right and her chin down ever so slightly, flip her hair back and look away.

This is his opening then to approach her. If he approaches, Amanda is in control. If he does not, he is not interested.

That’s it.

Your job is to put yourself in a position to be approached.

His job is to approach you.

In this way, the lines don’t get blurred around who is playing what role in the art of flirting.

In what way have you been unknowingly taking away a man's motivation to pursue you?

Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.

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