How Smart, Successful Women Make True Heart-Centered Connections
You’re a smart, successful woman who has it together on so many fronts except when it comes to dating. Why does dating have to be so tough? Because you keep going on dates and repeating the same patterns expecting things to be different.
The reason is so intrinsic that it’s keeping you from the relationship that you want. Within your sphere of influence are the relationships you hold dear, but, do you? You’re so busy with career and achievement to spend time cultivating relationships.
Expecting to be loved for the wrong reasons; acting like you’re not a fully-realized sexual being partly because of your shame, guilt and ambivalence surrounding sexuality and/or engaging in routine self-sabotage because of some facet of your identity causes you to miss out on potentially fulfilling dating opportunities.
What’s the remedy then?
1. Make meaningful connection to other human beings a priority.
Remember the famous Charles Dickens’ novella, A Christmas Carol, whose focal character, Ebenezer Scrooge, a cold-hearted miser who despises Christmas, is visited by the three spirits of Christmas: Past, Present and Yet-to-Come/Future? Upon the Yet-to-Come/Future spirit’s visit, Scrooge realizes that his life has been utterly devoid of real meaning because of a lack of real human connection.
I’m pretty sure that there aren’t a lot of Ebenezer Scrooges out and about. Many of us, though, do spend a disproportionate amount of our lives being busy, doing things that are seemingly more important than cultivating meaningful connections. And this has less to do with how we were raised than the choices we’re making right now.
It’s fully within your power to create these meaningful memories now so as to make your deathbed review quite pleasant. Just like you schedule your gym time, salon time and aimlessly-noodle-on-Facebook time, you can schedule in connection time. Make it a priority to make lasting memories with friends.
Specific to dating, make a concerted effort to get to know people well. Treat them as ends in themselves, not as a means to satisfy your own needs.
2. Make other people feel good around you.
This applies to your interactions with everyone - men and women. In the context of dating, as I’ve written numerous times, a man calls for a second and subsequent dates because of how a woman makes him FEEL - not how accomplished you are.
It may be that we have to foster a new skill. What does that skill look like?
The simplest of those is charm or, the ability to make someone else feel like a million bucks. It’s remarkably accessible to all of us. One simple way to be charming is to be complimentary. Not in a kiss-up way, but, genuinely appreciative. Notice people’s efforts, and praise them for it. Say ‘thank you’ in a tone that says you really mean it.
Shift from the mindset ‘they should like me for who I am’ to ‘how am I bringing more joy to the lives of those around me’ - as in service to others. Serve first instead of waiting to be served. The more service and compliments you give, the better you will feel which has been scientifically proven.
If you’re practicing an attitude of deep connection and service who’s going to resist? My work is about helping you realize that the solution isn’t out there - it’s right here with you. You can start doing these things right now.
You create your experiences.
The power is within you.
What experiences are you creating? Post a comment and I'll meet you there.