How to Identify The Love Bomber and Save A Broken Heart


Picture this: you’ve seen a handsome and interesting man's profile online.

“He has potential,” you say to yourself. You engage in a couple of email exchanges moving quickly to the phone call.

What a voice. He sounds promising!

You make a date to meet.

What happens next are the effects of false intimacy.

You start texting back and forth as if you know each other well. You might even be texting or talking daily before you meet. You don't know each other well at all.

You may feel like you do, because you WANT a relationship so badly and he seems great. This is false intimacy.

Or, another scenario: the guy who starts his emails or texts with ‘Hey Doll’ or ‘Hi Beautiful’ to which you’re turned off. These are terms of endearment used by people who know you. He doesn’t know you yet. This is false intimacy.

Forming aspirational crushes is never deliberate. Falling for men whose esteem or rejection comes to influence your self-worth, though, is worth exploring. Even little tastes of intimacy or access to a crush acquired through a disproportionate sense of value means that every exchange matters far more than it should.

Why?

Because in the end any intimacy you find through electronic communication with your crush will prove largely false. When you understand the formula for intimacy as talk + time + togetherness, wise becomes your middle name.

Internet-based relationships are often rich in talk, but can transpire very rapidly and may develop across great distance.

It is through face-to-face interaction over time that you gain a wealth of observed information. How does he behave in traffic or when stressed? Does he follow through on commitments? Do his actions match his words?

All that's part of someone's character and integrity. And in the long run, such qualities matter far more than what they've got listed on an online dating or social media profile, or even how well you banter. While common ground might help you plan dates, who you are trumps what you are like in any real conflict, setback, or hard decision.

Relationships grow over time. Intimacy needs to grow over time, too.

If someone is exhibiting signs of false intimacy, it's a red flag.

If you are projecting onto a man you just met and creating a sense of intimacy and familiarity before you really know him, that's a red flag, too. You need to balance your heart and head in dating.

Have you been love bombed? What happened? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.

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Nicole DiRocco, ACC

Relationship Coach

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