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How To Cure The Too Picky Dater

Everyone is entitled to try to find a relationship that really works for them, and if you haven’t found it yet, keeping yourself on the journey is essential until you do.

It's also important to remember that a relationship that works for you might be as much about you changing as him meeting your criteria.


Because one of the things I observe most with my clients is that they’re often confused about being picky and being held hostage by fear. A fear of being seen for who they gloriously are in all their imperfections and flaws that come in their magnificence.

Countless people tell themselves they can’t find a mate because they’re just too picky. Who you date does matter. Yet there is healthy picky and unhealthy picky.

You can use these definitions to make sure you’re on the right romantic path.

Healthy Picky: You’re careful about who you get involved with, taking things slowly in the beginning, not moving into the bedroom too quickly, and safeguarding yourself for a couple months or so until you have a sense of who this new person really is.

In between relationships, you take some time off and reflect on why the last relationship didn’t work, and after a while you resolve those issues and begin a fresh relationship with someone new.

Extremely Picky: Deep down, you want to be with someone but can’t seem to find the right fit. You spend more time being single than in relationships, and you have a habit of finding a range of faults in prospective dates.

You sometimes focus on little things which end up causing the demise of the relationship, and you tell yourself you have a hard time meeting the right one for you because you’re just so…picky.

If you are someone who is extremely picky, it means that you (unconsciously) work hard to find faults with prospective partners as a means of self-protection.

It makes sense, too, because: If you find enough faults to decide the man is not the right match for you, eventually you can put off everyone and will never have to actually face the stress of a long-term relationship.

Why? Because you’ll always manage to push all the prospective partners away!

Extremely picky daters can change if they want to do so. The first step is to admit the problem, and it’s not that you’re “picky.” The real problem is that you’re afraid.

By taking these three steps, you can solve the picky problem:

1. Once you can be honest with yourself about your fear of what a long-term relationship could bring, write down the reasons why you might be more afraid of relationships than the average person.

2. Tell a couple of your closest friends about your epiphany, and tell them to point it out to you whenever you start getting negative or finding fault with a prospective date.

3. Finally, make a rule for yourself where you won’t decide if you really like someone until you’ve had at least three dates with a person. By giving your dates more of a chance, you will also find that you start judging others less and actually like the process of dating more.

Are you too picky or not picky enough? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.

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