Most of us would like to be better at flirting. It seems as though the most expert flirters among us mingle effortlessly with the opposite sex, while most of us blush and stumble over our words.
Otherwise, outgoing women have no idea how to flirt with men, nor do they want to. They consider it childish, bordering on classless.
I have news for you. Here is what you get when you don’t flirt with nice men: a nice conversation. Yet, the mere sound of the word makes many cringe because how you define flirting is what makes you uneasy.
The Fallacy of Flirting
Flirting defined is to behave as though you are attracted to someone without serious intention of an outcome. Therein lies the reason many women flinch at flirting because they become attached to an outcome.
The excuses I often hear from my clients are, “I’m not attracted to him.” “I don’t want to give him the wrong impression.” “I’m not good at it.”
This is not what flirting is about. Flirting is creating a magnetism; a playfulness that draws people to you. That’s it. Flirt with life. Flirt with babies. And, flirt with men. Flirt without attachment to an outcome.
Work To Your Own Strengths
Lots of us would love to have Marilyn Monroe-levels of effortless charm, but if you’re naturally a bit more goofy or shy than the smooth 1950s American icon, forcing this persona is not going to work. Besides, it’s unnecessary. Plenty of men prefer down-to-earth, funny and self-deprecating women. They find the calculated slickness of more traditional flirters off-putting, so make sure you’re flirting in a way that’s natural to you and compatible with your personality type.
Not feeling confident about how to flirt? Confidence is experience. When you don’t have experience with something you don’t have confidence. The remedy is to start small until you have more confidence.
Here's how to flirt with flair and class in three simple ways:
1. Compliment him.
Have you ever noticed that we use compliments to connect with other women? “I love your purse!” “Your job sounds amazing!” “You crack me up!”
Why don’t you do that with men? Men love to know that you consider them to be smart, capable, fascinating and funny. A sincere compliment in those areas will give you a leap toward connection.
You can tell him he has nice eyes, and he’ll appreciate it. But that won’t go so far as more substantive compliments. A confident, good man needs to hear more than you think he’s cute.
Tell him when you agree with something he says, ask his opinion, let him suggest a book or restaurant, laugh at his jokes or tell him his business sounds interesting. Tell him you want to know more about something in which he’s interested.
Men rarely receive compliments from women. When you do share a compliment, you will stand out and he will take a second look.
2. Use your beautiful body.
Using your body to flirt does not have to be suggestive or silly.You can be be subtle but very clear. Stand straight in front of him, feet parallel with his, and make eye contact. Be playful. Brush your hand against his arm or shoulder, twirl and flip your hair, and use open hand gestures.
Responding to this type of behavior from a woman is instinctive. Men can’t help themselves. He won’t even know what’s happening to him; he will just know he likes you.
3. If you want a date, show clear interest.
A simple: “I had a great time” isn’t enough. Everyone says that, and it’s likely to be filed under the “maybe she’s just being polite” category. Instead, add something to that. “I had a great time talking with you, Bob. It would be nice to do it again.” That makes it clear that you’re open.
There’s a big difference between this and asking him out. After you deliver this line, stop! You have helped him feel safe and appreciated. If he’s interested, he will make a move.
Don’t be discouraged if he doesn’t ask. You’ll get points in your dating karma bank by making him feel good about himself, and it will be easier to do it the next time with the man who may be your match.
How have you gotten your flirting mojo back? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.
This article originally appeared in PRiME Women.