First Date: How To Know If He's The Right Man For You

When was the last time you interviewed for a job? Perhaps it’s been a long time or, you may be in job search mode now and actively interviewing. The job interview process can be exhausting. It requires research on the company and role for which you’re interviewing and practicing your responses to questions that interviewers may ask.

All so that you’re able to present a prepared, thoughtful impression with the interviewers. After all, you’re selling yourself - your brand. The good news is the company bought into your brand and you accept their job offer.

How do you really know, though, if the role you just accepted is the best fit for you or that the company culture is a match to your values? There are some things that don’t reveal themselves until you’re actually in the role and experiencing the day in and day out of the new company. The same theory found in the interview process can be applied to finding what you want and need in the right relationship partner.

Somehow along the way some smart, successful women have carried these exact interview skills into dating in hopes of finding a romantic relationship. The notion that the man must provide his relationship resume on a first or subsequent date to qualify him as a potential relationship candidate is enough to make any man disappear. What say you? You’re on the date to determine if he’s your soul mate? Oh, and to do this you need as much information as possible.

Therefore, employing the “question train” or, asking your date a series of questions without any back and forth in conversation, is necessary. On the contrary, this Spanish Inquisition of sorts is likely why he doesn’t ask you out again. Trying to get answers so early in dating is strange. Asking for example, “Are you a player?” would compel other questions like, “Was he a player before and does it matter?” Or, inquiring as to the reason a man’s last relationship ended is not relevant to you or getting to know him.

This approach kills the energy and robs you of being in your feminine grace. Translated: you’re not being your authentic self which is what, in part, attracts a man to a woman.

Instead come from a place of curiosity and observation. Allow for the conversation to be natural and flowing. A tip to doing this is to get him engaged so that he leads the conversation. Focus on how you feel in his presence and let his behavior show you what he’s like. Character, consistency and communication are far better indicators of who the person sitting across from you is as a man - none of which will be revealed in one date. Unless your date discloses he’s just been released from federal prison for embezzling, going out at least three times before deciding if you’d like to continue dating him is a good rule of thumb. Nonetheless, his character, consistency and communication will unfold over time.

For those who “just know” on a first date, I submit that none of us “just know.” Consider that being so quick to judge is way that a woman guards against being truly open to receiving what a man has to offer. While this sense of self-preservation has, perhaps, propelled you forward in the corporate environment, it will always keep you from honing your savvy in determining the right partner for you. Relax and engage in the art of conversation. I assure you that you’ll experience the date in a way that you should’ve all along - as your authentic self.

How do you approach first dates? Post a comment below.