Why Being Nice Doesn't Lead to Love
It sounds boring, but, the man who is marriage-minded is actually looking for a truly nice woman.
Nice is the woman who epitomizes kind, thoughtful and empathetic.
She can’t say she’s these things.
A man is extracting information from her gestures and comments.
It’s how she treats others in small ways which a man observes throughout the course of his dating or relationship experience with her - even when she’s not aware she’s being observed.
There’s such a thing as being too nice, though.
When a woman gives too much too soon or tries too hard to show a man that she’s the one for him, she’s actually turning him off.
Here’s what I mean:
In an effort to make the relationship happen, a woman will initiate; thinking that if she doesn’t do it, it won’t materialize. She starts to take charge suggesting where to go on their date or take the lead by making dinner reservations.
She’s over giving, too accommodating and too generous. She tries to create an impression that she’s not demanding. Well, who wouldn’t want a girlfriend like that?
Her gift giving reveals itself as baking him cookies, doing his dishes, laundry or picking up his dry cleaning. She thinks, “How can I make his life easier?”
And, the minute a man knows that he has a woman wrapped around his finger, he gets lazy. The woman ends up feeling resentful and depleted. Her needs are not being met.
Instead of him being drawn to all these ways about her, he subconsciously believes that she doesn’t believe she’s worthy. A man starts to see her as less than because he can sense when a woman is trying too hard. Her actions have an air of desperation.
A man doesn’t care about a woman’s thought, “Let me show him how good I can make his life.” He cares about how a woman makes him feel.
In the dating process, it’s about allowing a man to have a place in your life. When a woman let’s go and relaxes - it happens. A woman inspires a man’s love. She does not earn a man’s love by doing things for him.
As counterintuitive as it sounds, by sitting back and doing nothing she allows the space for the man to pursue and give. These are male traits that are hard wired in him. And, when she graciously receives his gifts like date planning and showing appreciation, she is, in fact, giving to him.
If you’re nice to a fault in dating and relationships, I invite you to put yourself first starting today and experiment with:
LESS DOING, MORE BEING.
LESS FRETTING, MORE FEELING.
LESS PLEASING, MORE BEING PLEASED.
Have you been too nice? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.