The Biggest Mistake You're Making in Your Online Dating Profile
One of my offerings as a dating coach is working with clients to write their online dating profile or helping people craft a better essay with my worksheets.
There are many things that people write in their essays that make them ineffective.
I want you to be effective.
The most obvious is when they sound alike.
How many women are equally comfortable in a little black dress and a pair of jeans? And who really cares? It doesn’t say much about you.
Another top offender is “I feel so awkward writing about myself. My friends say…” That’s wasted real estate.
You need to capture his attention from the first word. But there’s an even bigger mistake that women make that actually fends men off.
They create an essay that appeals to other women, but not to men. By the way, men do the same thing - write and post pictures that appeal to other men. Think pictures of scantily clad cheerleaders or holding the largest fish you’ve ever seen that he just caught.
For example, a woman writes some version of this: “I love my family. I am a devoted mother. My kids are the most important thing in my life. I like to spend time with my friends.”
Nice, right? She seems like a good person, reliable, warm, good-hearted.
The problem is, a man reads that and asks himself, “How do I fit into this picture?”
What you need to do is create a picture - a visual (men are visual, after all) of what it would be like to be in your life.
When he recognizes himself in your essay, he’ll be excited to write to you.
Haven’t you ever had the feeling that a man is talking to you in his essay?
So, how do you do this?
Here’s a sample excerpt of an essay:
“I am really attracted to men who are loyal and honest. If you’re the go-to friend that all your friends rely on, or you’re the guy everyone at work goes to when they need something done well and on time, you might just be the guy for me. If you’re that guy, I will treat you to the best foot massage after work and make your favorite meal. Basically, if you’re loyal and honest, I will melt for you.”
That may sound cheesy, but it works.
Because it accomplishes two things:
1. It shows a man that you have standards for respect and dignity in a relationship. You’ve announced the character traits you’re attracted to, not the fact that he’s athletic or makes a lot of money.
It’s who he IS that appeals to you - not what he has. He’ll recognize that in himself and want to rise up to meet that standard if he’s a good guy.
2. You are showing him that there’s a reward for his great character. You are not a door mat, giving without any expectations in return. That only invites guys to treat you poorly. When you have self-respect, he treats you well, and in turn, you want to shower him with love.
Sounds simple, but so few women do this in their essays.
So go ahead and tweak what you’ve written. Make a man see himself in your writing, and see who you attract.
You’ll need to keep track of all the men you’ll be attracting!
What's your biggest challenge in writing your online profile?
Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.