top of page

Why Are You Single? How To Answer The Dreaded Question

Have you ever been in the throes of a great start to a first date and suddenly he tosses out the dreaded question, “Why are you single?”

At that moment you can feel your energy level go down a notch.

Your body tenses up.

Your mind is racing with how to answer in just the right way.

You hate this question.

Asking someone why he or she is single is the worst question you can ask on a first date.

What’s important about knowing this anyway?

It goes without saying that many haven’t mastered the art of conversation in the sphere of dating.

What would it be like if you were to approach a date like a chat you might have with the stranger standing behind you in the grocery store line?

It sure would take the pressure off and, I suppose you would be less flustered by such a question.

Alas, that’s not what’s happening on so many first dates. You’re only 50% of the equation and can’t control what your date - the other 50% of the equation - is going to say or ask you.

If you respond with an attitude or defensiveness, it’s a huge turn off to a man. He thinks, “No wonder she’s single.”

Instead you want to come across as someone who is thoughtful, has learned from her past relationships and is excited to find the right man.

Here's how to turn the question around so that you don’t feel like you’re in the hot seat. After all, I want you to coming out smelling like a rose!

Use lightness and humor. It’s true that humor goes a long way to taking the edge off an uncomfortable question. With a smile say, “Before I tell you, you have to tell me because you’re single, too, right?”

In this way, you’re reminding him he’s in the same boat and putting it back on him.

Be honest. Coupled with candor and a smile, “I’m serious about finding the right man for me. I’ve learned a lot from past relationships and I’m not going to jump into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.”

Thus he’ll know that you’re not the kind of woman who’ll put pressure on him two months into dating that you want to get married. You’ve conveyed that you’ve learned from previous relationships, so, he knows that you’re being deliberate about your approach to finding the right man. This speaks volumes to a man about your intention and thoughtfulness.

Another option is to say, “I’ve had other priorities and haven’t had the time to devote to dating. But, I’m happy to be to be here with you tonight. I made time for you. I’m looking for one special person and you seem to have a lot of the qualities that I’m looking for, so, I’m looking forward to getting to know you.”

Ding, ding, ding! You’ve just made a man feel good around you. This is exactly for what he’s looking in a woman - to feel good around her.

Practice your response because this question will continue to come up. You need to have a pat answer. Then you can graciously re-direct the conversation to a topic that’s fun for both of you.

How have you handled the dreaded ‘why are you single’ question?

Post a comment and I'll meet you there.

Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Wix Facebook page

Featured In: 

bottom of page