The Hidden Mystery Behind Why He Didn't Call
One thing that frustrates all women when they’re out there dating is when a man doesn’t call after a seemingly great date.
Does this sound familiar?
You went on an amazing date. You completely clicked. You had a great time.
He said he would call and you knew he would because he liked you as much as you liked him.
Finally, maybe you get to rest. You exhale because he’s going to call. But, then he doesn’t call and he should’ve called.
Suddenly our inner critic starts to talk. She starts replaying the entire date and picks it apart.
Your inner critic is not your best friend. She’ll tell you the way you blew it:
“You laughed too loud.”
“You should’ve never told that stupid story about your family.”
“Maybe you wore the wrong outfit that showed your muffin top.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have sat sideways. You should’ve sat across from him.”
Rewind. Replay. Rewind. Replay.
The truth is my sisters out there: you won’t ever know.
It probably has nothing to do with you and it might have something to do with you.
There’s a million reasons why he didn’t call: starting with maybe he heard something in the date that at the time he liked you so much - he had so much attraction for you that he was willing to overlook it.
Then later as he was processing the date, it wasn’t bad; but, it was perhaps that you had different matching futures. Maybe you don’t want children and he really does.
You’re so tasty, though, that he’s nodding his head in the moment and thinking, “Oh, no I don’t want children to be with you.” When he got home and got his wits back about him he thought, “Oh, actually, no - I really do want a future with children.”
You might not have had a matching future.
Or, maybe he’s just getting back to dating from a relationship and he thought he was ready. You have the whole meal and he wasn’t ready for the whole meal. He was only ready for ice cream - not a home cooked whole meal.
There are all kinds of reasons. You’re never going to know the truth.
But, I want to leave you with two things about this:
Since you’re never going to know and that inner critic is making things up - never empowering, by the way about what she has to say about why it didn’t work out.
1. You can decide.
I like to tell myself that it was because I was the whole meal and he just wasn’t ready. He really liked me, but, the timing was off. I go with that. I never know if it’s true. But, it helps me sleep at night. You can make up that excuse and it might be the real excuse.
2. More importantly, what you want to take away is he didn’t call you because he’s not your man.
And, how you know that he’s not your man is that he didn’t call you. Because your man - he calls. While it stinks and it hurts and you want to pout and you should pout about it, you can just keep remembering, “My man calls.”
He did you a favor. It doesn’t feel like he did you a favor. But, he did you a favor to sort himself out quickly instead of eight months or eight years later.
Here’s the thing: if you show up on that date as you - representing you as you and you just were yourself - on time and you - you knocked it out of the park.
If he didn’t call there’s nothing you need to change about yourself. You just weren’t a match.
It’s tricky because that little inner critic voice in our head will want to know why. The reason we want to know why so badly is so we can change into a different person.
You do not need to change into a different person. You’re great as you are! You just haven’t met him yet.
You’re only 50% of the equation in this dynamic. You’ve no idea what issues he has or with what he’s dealing.
Show up as the best version of you and, if he’s a match - he’s a match. If he’s not a match - he’s not.
How have you handled not getting a call again after a great first date? Post a comment below and I'll meet you there.
#datingcoach #relationshipcoach #singlewomenover40 #datingafterdivorce #firstdate #midlifedating